Unfortunately my plans have been put on hold. After some intense lower back pain I've been forced to put my working out on hold. The only thing I can really do right now is walk around and some mild yoga. Although on Saturday I pushed a little too hard even at yoga and ended up in paralyzing pain. So, something to keep in mind, when you feel like you've tweaked something or when you're so sore you can barely move, take a day or two off... After 2 or 3 days of working out I could barely move, and instead of taking a day off I pushed forward, and in doing so tweaked my back. I went to do some lifting and my body was so sore that I couldn't safely lift above my head. So- lesson learned.
I started reading Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi and it is a great book so far. Only at chapter 6, but it really explains what goes through your head when you're constantly concerned with food, as an anorexic, bulimic, obsessive or observant. She did an amazing job telling the story that captivates you and really brings you to understand how the disease can take hold of someone. However it has also shown me that I walk a very fine line between trying to lose weight and obsession with food. It makes me not want to count every calorie, because that is an easy way to become obsessed, and knowing I became obsessed before makes me definitely not want to again. Unfortunately, as I explained to my cousin when she asked why I track every calorie, my response was because I know it works... So now I'm on a mission to find another option. Because even though I know it works doesn't mean its right, as with Portia's story of the 1000kilojoule diet (300 calories) She knew it worked after doing it many times in the past, but that definitely doesn't mean it is right.
As for everything else, it seems to be going well. I feel I'm doing pretty well keeping myself together. Still no bites on the revamped resume, but I'm hopeful that something will catch soon. One other thing- thinking back to working at Disney. I feel I didn't get the most out of my Disney opportunity. While at the college program I didn't take any of the classes and did very little of the extra curricular opportunities. Now, some things I can't do over, seeing as I don't still work there, however I can still get some stuff out of it. I looked up the curriculum for the classes I didn't go to and wrote down all of the books that were required and recommended reading. So I am going to read those. It will allow me to get a little more out of my Disney college program experience. I'm kind of excited. There were always a few of those books I wanted to read back then but once I left I couldn't every find out what they were, well I was going through my old emails from Disney and found the website that told me! I was so excited! As soon as I'm done with Unforgettable Lightness I will start on one of those!
On tap today- rest my back! Ice and Heat in intervals, plus regular motrin 800! And while I'm sitting here relaxing my back, I might as well apply for as many jobs as possible!
Wish me luck!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
New month, Renewed focus
The last week was a rough one, my expectations were high, and I fell hard when they didn't go quite as planned. Realistic expectations Is the name of the game this week. I would like to maintain my workout schedule doing at least 5 days this week, doing yoga at least 1 day. Lets stick with that as a start. When it comes to my diet, my goal is to eat a little less sugar. We are going to work with mini goals this week and hope for a slightly better outcome. As for the scale, I would like to see it go in the correct direction, but I am not going to get pissed if it doesn't.
Nick and I revamped my resume, so hopefully that helps me snag a job.
Going to keep this post short and sweet. Today went well doing everything I was supposed to. And I am determined for tomorrow to be the same!
Wish me luck!
PS- TurboFire Fire60 is an intense workout to do when you haven't done any TF in months! Holy Cow! But It felt good!
Nick and I revamped my resume, so hopefully that helps me snag a job.
Going to keep this post short and sweet. Today went well doing everything I was supposed to. And I am determined for tomorrow to be the same!
Wish me luck!
PS- TurboFire Fire60 is an intense workout to do when you haven't done any TF in months! Holy Cow! But It felt good!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The scale.
Ok, so I usually don't let the scale get to me that much but today it was really hard to see it go up a pound and a half. I wish it were as simple as "Calories in Vs Calories out" cause if that were the case I would be down just under 1 pound. I wish I understood the body more to know understand why it went up so much. Nick told me not to let it bother me, as I've done some pretty intense lifting this week, and although I completely agree and know that will affect it. My body fat also didn't change and the rest of the counts weren't off much at all. Makes me wonder. It also sucks all of the motivation out of me. Its insane that just 1 week ago I was in full fledged 100% motivation mode, and now my motivation is down to about 10%.
I think back to how I managed to lose the weight before. And although I succeeded, I was miserable. Eating a VERY strict, VERY boring diet, of the same thing (40%carbs, 40%protein, 20%fat almost exact every day). Egg sandwich for breakfast, snack of fruit and yogurt, lunch of protein packed sandwich or salad, snack of protein bar or pb&j sandwich, and dinner of veggies and chicken. The only time it changed was if I wanted cereal for breakfast instead then I did protein powder cereal. If there was a party or something I never ate cake or ice cream for fear of wanting more of it. On occasion I got fiber one bars for a snack. And although I managed to keep that going over the course of a year, getting my weight down to an impressive 130 lbs. I was miserable and when I got into maintenance mode I couldn't keep it up for another year. I tried my best to keep it going, but being a chef brings in a whole new set of problems. I hated tracking every single thing that went into my body and even more I hated the guilty feeling I got when I ate something I knew wasn't in my dietary plan. I would love to have my old body back and lose the almost 20 lbs I've gained, but at what cost. To not enjoy the gift of food seems like an awfully high price to pay. For a while my motivation to be able to eat more was to work out, the more I worked out the more food I was allowed to eat, unfortunately I was not eating good for me foods which in turn just make things worse.
I'm not sure how I can find a happy medium. One might think I did it before I can do it again, and I keep trying to find that willpower I once had. But so many things are different now. I worked out because I needed to work through depressing times, and I needed some happiness, even if it was artificial. I also didn't cook for anyone else and didn't worry about how my eating affected someone else. I do now, which adds another level of confusion.
As for the rest of my challenge. I'm managing. Like I have said time and time again every day that I apply for 5 jobs and don't get even 1 response is one more day I feel like its a useless cause. But I keep on truckin.
The stress less thing is a near impossibility with my return to work inching nearer. And our house still not being started yet. But now that I'm done with my most recent book series, I will be starting on some others that might help me to get over the stress hump.
Been trying to do things I love daily, mostly it has been reading as I read 6 books in the month of February alone. My goal was 12 in a year and I'm already at 7 this year and we're not even at March 1st yet! So that is definitely a success. Like I said I will be moving onto a book with a little more substance next. Not that I don't love mysteries involving high priced stilettos, but one can only read so much of those.
My calories for the day is right around 1600 which is still pretty good, at around 45/30/25 which is also pretty good. Hopefully I can find some motivation over the next week to eat healthier. I know I need to remove some more of the sugar from my diet, I just need to find a way to do that. Easier said than done.
My goal for tomorrow is to do yoga first thing in the am (which may or may not be at 3 bridges depending on the snow fall. If its still coming down pretty hard I'll just yoga at home) I am going to stick to my diet of 1500-1600 calories and I am going to try to get to 40/35/25 for ratios. After grocery shopping today that should be a little easier if I can just keep the sweet tooth in check. I am also going to try to revamp my resume, maybe a face lift will help me to land a job. And I will start a new book.
Wish me luck... I'm gonna need it.
I think back to how I managed to lose the weight before. And although I succeeded, I was miserable. Eating a VERY strict, VERY boring diet, of the same thing (40%carbs, 40%protein, 20%fat almost exact every day). Egg sandwich for breakfast, snack of fruit and yogurt, lunch of protein packed sandwich or salad, snack of protein bar or pb&j sandwich, and dinner of veggies and chicken. The only time it changed was if I wanted cereal for breakfast instead then I did protein powder cereal. If there was a party or something I never ate cake or ice cream for fear of wanting more of it. On occasion I got fiber one bars for a snack. And although I managed to keep that going over the course of a year, getting my weight down to an impressive 130 lbs. I was miserable and when I got into maintenance mode I couldn't keep it up for another year. I tried my best to keep it going, but being a chef brings in a whole new set of problems. I hated tracking every single thing that went into my body and even more I hated the guilty feeling I got when I ate something I knew wasn't in my dietary plan. I would love to have my old body back and lose the almost 20 lbs I've gained, but at what cost. To not enjoy the gift of food seems like an awfully high price to pay. For a while my motivation to be able to eat more was to work out, the more I worked out the more food I was allowed to eat, unfortunately I was not eating good for me foods which in turn just make things worse.
I'm not sure how I can find a happy medium. One might think I did it before I can do it again, and I keep trying to find that willpower I once had. But so many things are different now. I worked out because I needed to work through depressing times, and I needed some happiness, even if it was artificial. I also didn't cook for anyone else and didn't worry about how my eating affected someone else. I do now, which adds another level of confusion.
As for the rest of my challenge. I'm managing. Like I have said time and time again every day that I apply for 5 jobs and don't get even 1 response is one more day I feel like its a useless cause. But I keep on truckin.
The stress less thing is a near impossibility with my return to work inching nearer. And our house still not being started yet. But now that I'm done with my most recent book series, I will be starting on some others that might help me to get over the stress hump.
Been trying to do things I love daily, mostly it has been reading as I read 6 books in the month of February alone. My goal was 12 in a year and I'm already at 7 this year and we're not even at March 1st yet! So that is definitely a success. Like I said I will be moving onto a book with a little more substance next. Not that I don't love mysteries involving high priced stilettos, but one can only read so much of those.
My calories for the day is right around 1600 which is still pretty good, at around 45/30/25 which is also pretty good. Hopefully I can find some motivation over the next week to eat healthier. I know I need to remove some more of the sugar from my diet, I just need to find a way to do that. Easier said than done.
My goal for tomorrow is to do yoga first thing in the am (which may or may not be at 3 bridges depending on the snow fall. If its still coming down pretty hard I'll just yoga at home) I am going to stick to my diet of 1500-1600 calories and I am going to try to get to 40/35/25 for ratios. After grocery shopping today that should be a little easier if I can just keep the sweet tooth in check. I am also going to try to revamp my resume, maybe a face lift will help me to land a job. And I will start a new book.
Wish me luck... I'm gonna need it.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Learning to push
So yesterday was a rough day as I had said before, although it wasn't as bad as I had expected. Calorie was I was only at about 1600, which isn't bad considering I though I was going to be closer to 1800. I didn't hit any of my bodybugg goals but seeing as my back was in immense pain I didn't do much of anything yesterday, so that was kind of expected. I did get some reading in, and I did reshape my nails (although gave up on polishing them). And I did apply for something like 7 more jobs.
Today I have already applied for another 5, and this is where the learning to push comes into play. Day after day of applying for new jobs starts off with such promise. But after 2 and a half months of it, you start to feel beyond discouraged. At that point is where it is hard to keep going, hard to push forward. You start feeling like you're destined to stay where you're at regardless of how unhappy you are there. Depressing is the only word I can think to describe how you feel. It almost feels like with every resume you send out, its one more person saying, nope sorry you're not good enough. That can be really really hard to overcome. It doesn't matter how many people tell you how great you are, or how perfectly you fit that job description, you have just 15-30 seconds to make that first impression. No pressure guys! At this point I want to give up. I know I can't if I want to retain any sibilance of sanity... So I keep pushing forward, hoping, trying, praying that I will be able to find just that 1 company, to give me a chance.
As for the healthy eating, today was much better. I'm at about 1550 projected calories for the day, which is perfect. My ratios are right where I want them. As for a workout, I know I need to get one in today, and I will. But I'm just not sure how hard I will be able to push. My back is still a little sore depending how I move. Not nearly as bad as yesterday, so we'll see what happens. The goal is to double up since I missed yesterdays and do intense cardio (fire 60) and lifting (push circuit 2). I'm hoping since its push 2 which only does 1 muscle group at a time that my back will be able to handle it. I think the cardio will be fine as long as I don't try to over do it by kicking too high or punching too hard. Either way though, I do want to hit all of my bodybugg goals for the day. (burn 2050 calories, 8000 steps, 30 mins moderate exercise and 15 mins vigorous exercise)
Wish me luck!
Today I have already applied for another 5, and this is where the learning to push comes into play. Day after day of applying for new jobs starts off with such promise. But after 2 and a half months of it, you start to feel beyond discouraged. At that point is where it is hard to keep going, hard to push forward. You start feeling like you're destined to stay where you're at regardless of how unhappy you are there. Depressing is the only word I can think to describe how you feel. It almost feels like with every resume you send out, its one more person saying, nope sorry you're not good enough. That can be really really hard to overcome. It doesn't matter how many people tell you how great you are, or how perfectly you fit that job description, you have just 15-30 seconds to make that first impression. No pressure guys! At this point I want to give up. I know I can't if I want to retain any sibilance of sanity... So I keep pushing forward, hoping, trying, praying that I will be able to find just that 1 company, to give me a chance.
As for the healthy eating, today was much better. I'm at about 1550 projected calories for the day, which is perfect. My ratios are right where I want them. As for a workout, I know I need to get one in today, and I will. But I'm just not sure how hard I will be able to push. My back is still a little sore depending how I move. Not nearly as bad as yesterday, so we'll see what happens. The goal is to double up since I missed yesterdays and do intense cardio (fire 60) and lifting (push circuit 2). I'm hoping since its push 2 which only does 1 muscle group at a time that my back will be able to handle it. I think the cardio will be fine as long as I don't try to over do it by kicking too high or punching too hard. Either way though, I do want to hit all of my bodybugg goals for the day. (burn 2050 calories, 8000 steps, 30 mins moderate exercise and 15 mins vigorous exercise)
Wish me luck!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Day off!
So yesterday was my day off of my challenge, and it went well, crazy busy but went well. Had breakfast with Becky at Pepperland Cafe in South Berwick and their food was DELISH! then did some shopping with the hubby, and finished it off with dinner at Jimmy the Greeks, which was good too! (mostly cause they had my fav beer of all time Gulden Draak)
Anyways, needless to say it was a good day.
Today on the other hand was less successful. I woke up with a pinched nerve in my lower back, which has stopped me from doing most of the stuff on my to do list... I would still like to get my workout in, but I know that I don't want to hurt myself even more. So a day off might be a necessity. We'll see how I'm feeling in the next hour or so. Today I also haven't eaten the greatest, not the worst either, but definitely not the greatest, probably going to be around 1800 calories again today, which isn't horrible, but isn't good either.
Job hunting is becoming depressing. It feels like every day I send out about 5 resumes, and each week I'm lucky if I've heard back from 1... although usually its none... And the ones I call back to see if they are still looking have 9 times out of 10 already filled the position. Its hard to stay optimistic about it. But I'm trying.
On a good note, I finished another book, which brings it up to 5 in the month of February. I only have 1 left in this set (2 in the series in all). They're entertaining fun read books. After this though it will be time to get back into a book that actually teaches me something, or at the very least is about something more important than being an amateur detective who has a stiletto obsession. My goal is to finish this series by the end of the month... Which only gives me a few days so I need to get crackin!
All I do know is tomorrow will be a productive day! back pain or not!
Wish me luck!
Anyways, needless to say it was a good day.
Today on the other hand was less successful. I woke up with a pinched nerve in my lower back, which has stopped me from doing most of the stuff on my to do list... I would still like to get my workout in, but I know that I don't want to hurt myself even more. So a day off might be a necessity. We'll see how I'm feeling in the next hour or so. Today I also haven't eaten the greatest, not the worst either, but definitely not the greatest, probably going to be around 1800 calories again today, which isn't horrible, but isn't good either.
Job hunting is becoming depressing. It feels like every day I send out about 5 resumes, and each week I'm lucky if I've heard back from 1... although usually its none... And the ones I call back to see if they are still looking have 9 times out of 10 already filled the position. Its hard to stay optimistic about it. But I'm trying.
On a good note, I finished another book, which brings it up to 5 in the month of February. I only have 1 left in this set (2 in the series in all). They're entertaining fun read books. After this though it will be time to get back into a book that actually teaches me something, or at the very least is about something more important than being an amateur detective who has a stiletto obsession. My goal is to finish this series by the end of the month... Which only gives me a few days so I need to get crackin!
All I do know is tomorrow will be a productive day! back pain or not!
Wish me luck!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Short and Simple
I'm not feeling very well right now so I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Yesterday I managed to get everything done again, although I was slightly disappointed in the job market search, but thats kind of to be expected at this point. Everything went well yesterday. Today is a different story, but we'll discuss that tomorrow. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.
xoxo!
xoxo!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Day 3 still going strong
Well, day 3 is now over and I'd say it was even better than day 2. Hopefully that is a trend that continues.
Yesterday's workout kicked my ass. I feel like I'm waddling everywhere I go. Nick says I'm being over dramatic but seriously, my body feels like its falling apart! Today will be yoga again, which is good because it should help stretch out the soreness, but bad because I'm going to look awfully silly trying to do a down dog and not being able too cause I'm so sore! Either way tomorrow is my day off of working out which is good cause I need it after these last few days!
I somehow managed to eat really healthy yesterday and even got my ratios pretty close to where I wanted them. (they ended up at 42/34/26) Considering we couldn't eat meat yesterday was pretty damn good! For dinner I cooked a reduced fat shrimp scampi, and you would have never known that I used less butter and oil than it called for! Holy cow was it delicious! Overall my calories were at 1550, which is right where they needed to be. Success!
I read a lot again, and figured out that I've read 4 books in February alone. They're nothing special, just easy readers, but quite frankly right now I'm sick of tv and would rather read a book any day. Don't get me wrong I enjoy being a mindless drone on occasion and watching tv but when I have nothing to do, give me a book instead. (plus while Nick plays Modern Warfare 3 I can read... Works out well) Still putting off that manicure, I think I might give in and just go somewhere so that they start growing out nicer...
One thing I kinda forgot about was taking a multivitamin, I know I need to do it, but I always forget. I can't take them in the morning cause they make me nauseous but I can't seem to remember to take them at night before I go to bed. Going to try to remember tonight!
While I may be over dramatic (according to Nick) I did manage to stress a little less yesterday. Working out is definitely helping a little. As is having something to focus on (this challenge). Hopefully that continues. When I'm done with my current book series (now on book 4 of 5) I think I'll read a book my mom got me years ago that I blew off... Life's a bitch, and then you change your attitude. Think she was hinting at something! haha
Job search wasn't as good yesterday as I hoped it would be, I only applied for 1 position as most of them I was under qualified for or were manufacturing jobs... My dad things I should finish getting my bachelor's degree since I'm only a year and a half from graduating. But I have no idea how that would work. Probably something I should have done before we got married as now I have a double income and won't get much for federal assistance. I'll still check it out to see cause you never know, right?
I am quite excited for my day off from this tomorrow. Mostly for the food aspect. Sunday's are my normal eating day (I don't want to say cheat day cause that makes it seem like I'm going to eat chocolate, ice cream and cake or something). I have a breakfast date with Nick's cousin, Becky, and then we are doing dinner with the in-laws. So I'm not going to be cheating so much as just not counting every calorie that goes into my body. It will be nice to not worry about that for a day. Then its back to normal Monday morning!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Wish me luck!
Yesterday's workout kicked my ass. I feel like I'm waddling everywhere I go. Nick says I'm being over dramatic but seriously, my body feels like its falling apart! Today will be yoga again, which is good because it should help stretch out the soreness, but bad because I'm going to look awfully silly trying to do a down dog and not being able too cause I'm so sore! Either way tomorrow is my day off of working out which is good cause I need it after these last few days!
I somehow managed to eat really healthy yesterday and even got my ratios pretty close to where I wanted them. (they ended up at 42/34/26) Considering we couldn't eat meat yesterday was pretty damn good! For dinner I cooked a reduced fat shrimp scampi, and you would have never known that I used less butter and oil than it called for! Holy cow was it delicious! Overall my calories were at 1550, which is right where they needed to be. Success!
I read a lot again, and figured out that I've read 4 books in February alone. They're nothing special, just easy readers, but quite frankly right now I'm sick of tv and would rather read a book any day. Don't get me wrong I enjoy being a mindless drone on occasion and watching tv but when I have nothing to do, give me a book instead. (plus while Nick plays Modern Warfare 3 I can read... Works out well) Still putting off that manicure, I think I might give in and just go somewhere so that they start growing out nicer...
One thing I kinda forgot about was taking a multivitamin, I know I need to do it, but I always forget. I can't take them in the morning cause they make me nauseous but I can't seem to remember to take them at night before I go to bed. Going to try to remember tonight!
While I may be over dramatic (according to Nick) I did manage to stress a little less yesterday. Working out is definitely helping a little. As is having something to focus on (this challenge). Hopefully that continues. When I'm done with my current book series (now on book 4 of 5) I think I'll read a book my mom got me years ago that I blew off... Life's a bitch, and then you change your attitude. Think she was hinting at something! haha
Job search wasn't as good yesterday as I hoped it would be, I only applied for 1 position as most of them I was under qualified for or were manufacturing jobs... My dad things I should finish getting my bachelor's degree since I'm only a year and a half from graduating. But I have no idea how that would work. Probably something I should have done before we got married as now I have a double income and won't get much for federal assistance. I'll still check it out to see cause you never know, right?
I am quite excited for my day off from this tomorrow. Mostly for the food aspect. Sunday's are my normal eating day (I don't want to say cheat day cause that makes it seem like I'm going to eat chocolate, ice cream and cake or something). I have a breakfast date with Nick's cousin, Becky, and then we are doing dinner with the in-laws. So I'm not going to be cheating so much as just not counting every calorie that goes into my body. It will be nice to not worry about that for a day. Then its back to normal Monday morning!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Wish me luck!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)